The "Ralph": Scenes From A Parking Lot

How do you judge an NFL fan? It's a curious debate. Virtually every NFL team claims to have the loudest and most loyal fans (well, maybe not the Jacksonville Jags). And fans of any team will tell you they are the best, loudest and most dedicated.

I judge the quality and loyalty of an NFL team's fans by their tailgating behavior. Specifically, what goes on in the public parking lots pre and post game? If the 12th man is the noisy crowd inside the stadium, the 13th man are the fans in the parking lots.

My nominee for best fans are those of the Buffalo Bills. I grew up in the DC area and saw a ton of Redskin games. I've also lived in Baltimore, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Yes, I've survived a Raiders game in Oakland and endured a 90 degree game in Tampa Bay. But nothing quite compares to the scenes I've witnessed at Ralph Wilson stadium parking lots before and after Buffalo Bills games.

I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly (mostly good/funny though). For every arrest and fight there are dozens of fun and humorous anecdotes. For starters, you gotta love the sausage girls. Its amazing what a grown woman can do with a cooked kielbasa. But that's nothing compared to other traditions. You can drink shots from bowing balls (think finger holes), you can dance around massive bonfires (garbage can fires), you can dance on top of vans and buses, you can play tackle football in a blizzard on an asphalt parking lot, and if you must, you can always fight an opposing team's fan.

Some of my personal favorites:

After losing to the Cowboys on Monday Night Football (a classic example of the Bills losing a game that was already won), I witnessed several men dancing on an old VW bus, naked except for g-strings, their entire bodies painted in red and blue. Huge bonfires surrounded the van - the fires cast an eerie light with horror film quality shadows. The van was surrounded by at least a hundred fans also dancing madly while chanting who knows what. The temperature was well below freezing, and bottles were being hurled from the crowd. It was mesmerizing. Like a train wreck, I couldn't take my eyes off the sight.

The classic porta-potty tipping. This is exclusively reserved for loudmouthed visiting fans. Nothing like shouting "timber" while the johnny-on-the-spot tips over backwards with a Patriots fan inside.

Fights. Most of these are relatively harmless. The "fighters" are so drunk that their flailing attempts at punches couldn't hurt my grandma (granted she's a tough old bat). My favorite was a marathon drunken tussle between a Bills fan who lost his pants but bravely fought on with his full moon in total glory. His opponent, a Steelers fan, lost his shirt and proved that you can, in fact, eat to many pierogis . This happened in a driving snowstorm with a temperature below 20 degrees with at least a foot of snow on the ground. I'm certain the hangover was more painful than the fisticuffs.

Food. Its incredible what you see pre and post game. Everything from thousand dollar grills to mini hibachis. My personal favorite is the fan that modified his car so that the grill is under the hood. No kidding, this dude's grill is where the engine should be located. You see it all from caviar and champagne to wings, chili dogs and "stews" made in garbage cans.

If you go to Bills games for a few years nothing surprises you. Santa taunting a drunken fan being arrested - been there, done that. Naked men (and women) making snow angels - old hat! Bloodied guys playing tackle football in the parking lot - they're not so tough. Running through and/or jumping over bonfires - meh, whats a minor third degree burn?

In reality, the thing that frightens me the most are when two sober women decide to brawl. Holy cow, cat fights can be soooo vicious! The hair pulling alone looks painful.

But really, what Bills management refers to as the game day experience is pretty fun at Ralph Wilson stadium. C'mon, who doesn't enjoy watching dozens of people douse a fellow fan with ketchup and mustard. And lets be honest, those obnoxious Jets and Patriots fans really deserve whatever they get.

The real worry is not the behavior in the parking lots, it's when the pre and post game antics are more entertaining than the game itself!

Monday's Roundup: Browns Edition

Since I'm new to blogging, I'm trying to come up with ideas for regular features like the pros have. So far, I've come up with the idea for a weekly recap of the goings-on in the NFL, especially as it pertains to the Browns. It's a brilliant idea, I know. Completely original. It's going to be a groundbreaking idea that historians will look back on with great interest. I know all that. Anyways, let's get to the important stuff. A lot of this stuff isn't exactly breaking news anymore, but it is relevant to our favorite team.

To start off on a good note, Alex Mack is going to the Pro Bowl! He's taking the spot of injured Maurkice Pouncey of Pittsburgh.

The downside to that is that the Steelers are returning to the Super Bowl. Ick. If you were living in a cave yesterday and haven't seen the highlights of the AFC Championship showdown between the Jets and Steelers, here are the relevant highlights for you:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Mhh6SLcles&feature=related

Yes, that is what it appears to be. I'm sure Ben was very adamant when he said "No!", but if he said yes earlier...

Okay, I've got that off my chest. I feel much better. One of the most important plays of the game was, in my eyes, the 19 yard fumble return by William Gay for a touchdown with less than a minute left in the half. At the time, I was just waiting for the Sanchez meltdown to begin. They were down 17 to nothing with about a minute and a half left in the first half and Sanchez looked bad. You could almost see the Steelers licking their chops. I was pleading with Rex Ryan for him to just have Sanchez kneel out the half and regain control in the locker room for the inevitable comeback attempt. But it wasn't to be. He gets hit, fumbles the ball, and the Steelers begin the rout. I really thought the game was over right then and there, and the defense was just gonna pound Sanchez into the dirt. To his credit, they had a great comeback attempt that just fell short, with that touchdown accounting for the final margin.

What does that mean for the Browns? First of all, it means Alex Mack is a Pro Bowler. It also means that next season might be the Steelers' down year (much like the season after their last Super Bowl) because they seem to get a little cocky and lazy after they have a great season. Hopefully that will open the door for the Browns to move up in the division.

In other divisional news, "sources" are saying that Carson Palmer has demanded a trade and threatened to retire if he doesn't get it. My first impression was to wonder what sort of leverage he thinks he has. A massive contract and terrible play on the field do not lend themselves well to trade demands. As I expected, the Bengals are saying that they won't trade him. Unless they want to start Jordan Palmer next year in hopes of tanking for Andrew Luck at #1 overall in 2012, they'll have to find somebody else to play quarterback. They have the #4 pick this year, so a franchise quarterback prospect is definitely a possibility. Hopefully for us that will mean one less team is thinking about taking A.J. Green ahead of us. It also means, hopefully, that Cincinatti is not going to have a good season again for a while.

As expected, Dick Jauron has officially been named the defensive coordinator of the Browns. That means that the switch back to a 4-3 is official, and hopefully I wasn't way off base last Friday when I forecasted how I thought that might go. The search for an offensive coordinator has not, however, yielded results. Candidates Bill Musgrave and Mike McCoy have both turned down the job to go to Minnesota and to remain in Denver, respectively. New coach Pat Shurmur is not discouraged, however. He remains confident that the Browns "will find some top-notch guys to join us."

For more information about Jauron and the search for an OC, here you go: http://www.cleveland.com/browns/index.ssf/2011/01/cleveland_browns_will_hire_dic.html

In NFC news, Jay Cutler has become a polarizing figure for not returning to the NFC Championship game after sustaining what we now know is an MCL tear. I've never had to play any sport with an injury before, so I can't say that he could have or should have returned to the game. Playing hurt is one thing, but playing injured is another thing. Lovie Smith and Brian Urlacher have both defended Cutler publicly. Urlacher is known as a very tough guy, so his defense of Cutler's toughness is pretty convincing to me. It's no secret that Cutler is not a very likable guy, so his attitude may be seen by many as a lack of toughness when he did not return to the game.

If there's any more relevant Browns news, interesting tidbits, ideas for features and names, or anything whatsoever, feel free to use the comments or tweet me @legoman0721.

New Defensive Coaching Updates in Philly

This past week I've been covering the defensive shakeup in Philadelphia, and it's been a busy week for a team that's out of the playoffs. Defensive coordinators have been moving all around the league this week, but none have yet come to Philly. The Eagles have wasted little time hiring a replacement for their recently fired defensive line coach Rory Segrest. Jim Washburn, the defensive line coach for the Tennessee Titans, is the Birds' newest acquisition in this tumultuous offseason. The new coach promises to bring some much needed invigoration to the defensive line which may have been lacking in intensity this past season.

The Eagles were reported to have talked to Dean Pees, of the Baltimore Ravens, however Ravens head coach John Harbaugh stated that Pees has not been interviewing in Philadelphia.

With many defensive coordinator-candidates quickly being spoken for, and Jim Mora taking the year off from coaching, it seems to be coming down to candidates Bill Davis and Dick Jauron, though last night respected Eagles writer Les Bowen issued this cryptic tweet:




This has helped keep up the talk of a possible interview with the Jets' current defensive coordinator (and Philly native), Mike Pettine. While Pettine has denied the rumors of an interview when the Jets end their postseason, he has made some interesting remarks about wanting the head coaching job for his hometown team. With Andy Reid's contract up in 2013, you can bet these statements will be examined and dissected for a possible regime change.


If both the rumor and Pettine's denial are true, there is still a plethora of talent in the postseason coaching staffs. Hall of Famer Dick LeBeau would be an incredible addition to the coaching staff, despite rumors of his possible retirement. Bringing LeBeau in would also cement the rumor of the Eagles moving to a 3-4 defense. John Mitchell, the Steelers' defensive line coach would also be an ideal, but extremely unlikely candidate. A more likely name coming from the postseason is Packers defensive line coach Mike Trgovac. His name has been brought up as a good possibility to replace the ousted Sean McDermott, and it would not be his first go-around in Philly. Trgovac was Ray Rhodes' defensive line coach during Rhodes' entire tenure during the '90s. The other big names in the postseason are the Bears' Rod Marinelli, of the 2008 Detroit Lions head coaching fame (they went 0-16 that year), and the Packers' Dom Capers, though reports say he's staying put.

Although the Eagles still don't have a defensive coordinator, the fact that they were able to snatch up Washburn and the idea of courting a postseason defensive coach leaves many fans feeling hopeful, if not wary. We'll be following the developments and hope to bring you an updated situation Saturday night.

Update: Another unofficial name to toss into the hat would be the recently fired Chuck Cecil, former Tennessee Titans defensive coordinator. And you thought it couldn't get any crazier.

Follow on Twitter: @asprice18

5 Links From The NFL

• Coach Mike Tomlin had a question and answer on the Baltimore Ravens yesterday, and had this to say this about Ray Rice

"He’s got ridiculous lateral quickness. He can stick his foot in the ground and change direction at full speed. Not only is he a talented runner, but he has 60-plus catches over the course of the season. We have to do a good job defending him in the check-down game, the screen game, and he also does a real nice job running the wheel-route out of the backfield."

Here is the rest of the "Q" and "A" with Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin

• Though the Packers have had A LOT of takeaways this year, the Falcons however they are very hard to get takeaways from.  With a sure handed Michael Turner and a quarterback with a very high IQ the Packers must find a way to get the Dirty Birds to cough up the ball.  The reason for the the success of the Falcons have been just that.

• Could Antonio Cromartie be the "X-Factor" in the Jets vs. Patriots game? Here is a video from the NFL on the match up between the two teams. http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-network-total-access/09000d5d81daf5a4/Cromartie-the-X-factor

• Ten players, or impact players, to look forward to in the Seahawks and Bears game would include:

Matt Hasseback, Matt Forte, Devin Hester, Marshawn Lynch, Julious Peepers, David Hawthorne, Brian Urlacher, Mike Williams, Leon Washington and Chris Williams. Bleacher Report has the explanation on why these players are going to impact the game.

• Here is a video of some big plays this past regular season